Rebecca's Reality

The Goings-On...

2009-07-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

Whoo hoo!

All right...so I am sitting here supposedly working on homework due tomorrow, but needed a little break. I feel really bad that I have not kept up with my friends, and won't give excuses other than I have been busy. Sad. I know. Please don't be afraid to make me slow down...or in the least, call if something is happening and you know about it ahead of time (like 2 weeks). I will put it in my calendar and make it happen...especially things like art hop.

After I get my homework emailed for the week, I will start next week's work so I can get a head start. I am picking Mads up in LA on Monday; she's been at her dad's for 2 weeks. We then stay in LA for Tuesday and Wednesday basketball tournaments.

Thursday, Mads and I will be attending the Indigo Girls concert at Tower Theatre. Excited for that.

Friday, the 17th...we will be doing whatever the A-Team plans!

19th...Monterey Bay Acquarium

20th...my A-Team day!

21st-25th...Mads, Elle, and I leave for a basketball tournament in Vegas. You see we are there until Saturday. We leave right after the last game to go back to LA.

25-28th...in LA for another basketball tournament.

28th...I leave (with Elle for Ohio/Michigan) until August 7. Joel and Mads will be joining me when she finishes her basketball tournament at Fresno State.

School starts August 10th.

So as you can see...this is how I spend most of my time. Helping coach this team...taking care of my family...and working on my MEd. Most of the time I am exhausted, but I would love to make time to see everyone on a regular basis when I get back from Ohio.

2009-07-02T21:32:00.001-07:00

So no I haven't dropped off of the face of the earth.

I am here.

Adam even stopped inviting me places.

But, I am here.

2 kids. summer school. master's classes. 3 kids (i forgot the big one named joe'l)...i know excuses, excuses.

I will be back. Does anyone still check it? If not...I may not be back.

Will you send me a message if you still check up on me...

Maybe I will post just for you.

:)

Whew!

2009-03-22T21:30:00.001-07:00

All right.

Booster meeting with principal involved...and the voting goes...

I get to keep all the money in the booster account for this summer and next season!

Yeah!

And...Ellery is happy and healthy!

And...Mads is one hell of a baller!

And...Joe'l has a job fair this week (oh please wish us luck!)!

Not defeated...bouncing back!

I have plans for Saturday night...open for some other things!

defeated...

2009-03-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

When I took the job of girls’ basketball coach last year, I knew I had a lot to learn. I knew it would be a challenge. I knew I would make mistakes. I knew I wouldn’t make everyone happy.

One of the biggest mistakes I made was sitting down with my boosters club and making sure that is was run correctly and that we were all on the same page as far as goals and outcomes…meaning, making sure everyone understood the page I was on.

I was hired to do a job. The job I was hired to do was to establish a girls’ basketball program because I know how important it is to get kids interested early in the game so that they do come to high school fundamentally behind. I know that you cannot simply think that you coach year to year. You coach with every perspective year in mind. Although every team is special, a good coach never loses sight of the teams he/she will eventually get.

Fundraising to me is two-fold. It is to help the current team pay for apparel and such. It is also to help the future teams by purchasing new equipment, uniforms, tournaments, skills training clinics, etc. I negated to realize that the parents of student athletes who struggle with the concept of program would struggle with the concept themselves.

At the beginning of the season, I allowed too much to be done by my boosters club because I was about ready to give birth to Ellery. I came back to the court two weeks after her birth even though I did not return to the classroom because I had to fulfill a commitment. Parents stepped up and helped during this very difficult season. Emotionally, I don’t think I have recovered, although physically I have. It is very difficult for me that this is happening with my team and their parents right now because I sacrificed something more important than I think anyone, student or parent did. I sacrificed my health. I sacrificed time with my newborn baby. And, I am being called selfish.

We all worked hard. There should be no fingers being pointed at whose fault it is. I have my faults and I can admit them. I didn’t read my booster by-laws, and apparently neither did any of the parents who signed those by-laws. We are completely out of accordance with a non-profit organization. Communication. Simply, communication failed. I tried my hardest to put together a budget that I never hid from anyone. There were no surprises. And, because I miscalculated the cost of the t-shirts and basketballs which go along with the Little Hawks program, I did not bother to ask for the Vegas trip that I wanted to go back to this year because the information was so valuable last year.

Did I say things that I didn’t follow through with? I am sure I did. As do all people. But, I am not a “bad guy” in this situation. I am a first year coach who had a baby in the first week of the season and struggled to do the best she could to build a program.

Program.

Not 10 kids. 100 kids.

Been a While...But I'm still here...

2009-02-08T07:26:00.000-08:00

Basketball season pretty much makes me disappear as far as my family and friends are concerned. It's always been a difficult balance for me. We have about 3 weeks left, and it's not that I am looking forward to it being over--I have truly enjoyed this group of girls--it is that it has been a particularly frustrating season.

We are in a league we don't belong in and as a result, our girls have been used as the whipping post for other teams looking to pad their stats or redeem themselves after a loss to someone else.

Seriously...WHY would you still trap my girls as soon as they cross half court, steal the ball, and go down and score a layup...in the fourth quarter when you are up by 50+ and you still have your starting point guard only to take her out when she scored her career high. OR...why would you allow your guard with 3 seconds left--your team is up by 40+--to shoot another 3? HOLD THE BLEEPING BALL!

Frustrating. Coaches who allow their 16 year old girls to humiliate and embarrass other 16 year old girls--??? I can tell you I will never be one of those coaches and if Mads is ever on a team with a coach like that...we will have some issues.

Come on people...win with class.

Blah

2009-01-11T07:11:00.000-08:00

Ellery goes to day care tomorrow.

One more week.

Just one more week with her at home!

Ok...how about til June 5.

Not much to ask for.

According to a recent article I read, teachers are overpaid and underworked babysitters (wonder if they would say this if it were a profession dominated by men)...if all I am doing is babysitting other people's kids...why can't I take my own with me?

Hmmmm.

The mysteries in life.

By the way...as an UNDERPAID and OVERworked English teacher... I resent ANYONE who thinks it is opposite (however...if the state keeps taking away teachers' creative rights in the classroom by throwing more standardized tests at us which keeps our school districts requiring its teachers to teach to the test...yeah...pretty much any trained monkey could do that...I guess.)

Blah.

Friends

2009-01-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

A week of friendships rekindled!

Sunday--I had coffee with Adam at Revue! Oh how I miss both Adam and Tower! It was fantastic to catch up!

Tuesday--I had breakfast with my friend Rhonda from my Sanger teaching days. I loved seeing her and hearing how everything is going at Sanger. (Shhh...I miss it there, too).

Wednesday--Lunch with JJ and Erica! Met JJ at Sanger, but today was about families. Vaughn and Ellery got to meet one another while I got to hang out with my beautiful friends.

Wednesday night--ok...when I was 15, I met the most amazing man who befriended me in a way that I didn't know. Kevin...like my brother. Looked out for me. Took care of me. Invited me into his family. No dating. No funny stuff. Kev and I were friends for a long time. I moved to Cali and lost track of him. I don't know how or what happened...but I lost him. Then...Facebook happened! I found him. We spent 1/2 chatting on Facebook and catching up. I got to see pics of his family and his kids. Amazing.

So---I have no time Thursday, but I have Friday open. Wanna hit me up to reconnect...let's do it!

Saturday--my bestest cousin Dawn is supposed to come into town! She moved to South Dakota and I miss her. Yeah! I want to see her so bad.

That btw is my New Year's Resolution: be a better friend!

:)

Anticipating a New Year

2008-12-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

Goodbye to 2008!

2008 was a year that said goodbye to Simon and hello to Ellery...

a year of first anniversaries...

a year welcoming new friends to my life...

a year of reconnecting with old friends...

Thank you 2008!

I am looking forward to a 2009 filled with family and friends, but most of all the laughter that makes life worth it!

christmas morning 2008

2008-12-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

It's too early and I'm too little to know what this is!

Hmmm...Blocks! I got headbands and clothes, too. I can't wait til next year when I get cool stuff and can open it myself!

R.I.P Simon (2/1995-11/2008)

2008-11-27T18:00:00.001-08:00

At 3:15 this morning, Simon was put down due to unexpected circumstances. Around 2 a.m. he began crying trying to dislodge a hair ball. In the act of this, he apparently threw a clot that had been developing due to a heart murmur that he has had from birth. Sadly, this paralyzed his hind legs and prevented him from walking while causing him pain. According to the vet, there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. We chose to have Simon pass with the dignity and respect he deserved for all of the years of love and comfort he provided for us.

Simon was my best furry friend. He was there with me through everything in the last 13 years. Ohio. College. Marriage. Graduation. Child birth. Divorce. Michigan. California. Heart break. True love. Marriage. Another child birth. And so much more.

Today, on this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the years he was with me.

I am thankful that I was home for him.

I am thankful that Joel, Mads, and I were there with him in the end.

I am thankful that my mom was here to sit with Elle during that difficult time.

Why does it take death to make us realize how precious time is?

Thank you, Simon for making sure that this Thanksgiving and everyday that I will not take those I love for granted. I am just sorry I didn't tell him I loved him everyday.

RIP Simon.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T21:13:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving 2008

What are you thankful for?

Here are 10 things I am thankful for!

1. My daughter Madissen is sitting on the couch feeding her baby sister, Ellery. It is a fantastic sight! They are both beautiful little girls!

2. My dad--my hero and the first love of my life--is sitting in a chair across the room from me. I love him. I miss him. But, he is here now and I am going to soak him in while I can!

3. My mom is sitting on the couch next to my daughters. There is something special about that generational female connection. My mom taught Madissen how to make her coffee cake and strawberry bread this week. It's nice to become a mom again and be mothered at the same time.

4. My husband is sitting on the floor in front of my daughters drinking a Guinness. I love when we can afford to buy the good stuff.

5. My health is great! Going back to the gym will make me feel even better!

6. I have a great and fulfilling job! I am thankful for this in a time of economic uncertainty.

7. I love the girls that I am coaching. I give them a hard time sometimes, but they pull through. They are the kind of girls I should hope my daughters would become.

8. I have great friends. Thank you Woodys for bringing food in the days after we brought Elle home! Thanks to the Bennett family and the Lewis family, too! It was great seeing Becky and Jay...but sad that it has been almost the same amount of time passed since I saw Adam, Ed, Mike, Heather... I have to work on that.

9. ...I don't need much else...that's enough :)

Personal, Not Political...

2008-11-06T09:41:00.001-08:00

Ok...Now that I have ranted...

Let's bring the focus back to the realities of my life in recent days from a personal level.

Madissen played in her first competitive basketball game on Monday. She is on the seventh grade basketball team as a sixth grader. I couldn't go because it was in Coalinga--a little too far from home right now. Her team won 20-6. She scored 12 points. :) And played pretty well on the defensive end from what I hear.

Well--I got to go watch her play last night because it was a home game. It was so much fun to watch her play. She gets the game pretty well. She posts up AND plays the guard sometimes. They won 14-4...she eventually was asked to sit for the marjority of the second half because she already had 8 points and was having to easy of a time with the other team. She was upset because the other team was so late they played 5 minute running quarters so she didn't get to play much, but she is learning to be a good sport still.

---

Ellery is doing well. She doesn't play basketball yet, but between sleeping, eating, and pooping...she doesn't have much time. It is hard to tell if she is getting bigger because she is newborn, she stays squished up like she is still in the womb. She eats well--we have her on soy formula right now and she seems to like that. I didn't take her to Mads's game last night because I thought she was too little. I didn't realize people think I am not a good mom because I went to watch my other daughter without my newborn who was home spending quality time with her daddy--ok, no, no one said it, but it was the "how can you leave her...don't you want to be home with her" comments that hurt my feelings. Of course, I love her! But, I have 2 kids who need me. Oh well...Mads loved that I was there and Elle had a nice time bonding with daddy.

---

Joe'l is exhausted! Keep him in your positive thoughts!

:)

What? How did this happen? Obama-you have a mess to clean up! Please help us!

2008-11-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

I posted my bittersweet comments on Adam's blog, but this morning I am OUTRAGED at this country.

Good for us...we elected Barack Obama...this excites me about the change possible in America!

BUT, what the hell happened in California, Nebraska, Arkansas, Arizona, and Florida?

California, Arizona, Florida all passed bans on gay marriage.

Nebraska voted to END affirmative action.

and Arkansas...ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME? They voted so that homosexuals could not adopt!

How are we voting to end the civil rights of people? How are we voting to decide what "family" means? It's bad enough that this country thinks it can define marriage...but family.

I know A LOT of hetersexual people WHO SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS...but somewhere our country thinks that bad hetersexual parents is better than loving, nurturing homosexual parents.

Let me tell you this...I would gladly surrogate for a deserving homosexual couple in Arkansas because my babies are bliss and I wish everyone who wants to be a good, attentive, loving parent the ability to raise children.

COME ON AMERICA...Wake up! Land of the free, home of the brave? Land of the somewhat free and brave only when wielding a gun on foreign soil?

Bring democracy to America!

PS: At least Michigan passed the use of medical marijuana. :)

PSS: Thank you Madissen (my 11-year-old) for having the conscience that a lot of American's seem to be missing. I have raised you well. Please, continue your fight for others. Keep letting your little voice be heard, for one day...it will be a big one.

Whew...

2008-10-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

Ellery napping :)

Proud papa holding a napping Ellery.

Wow...she's here.

We are exhausted!

Fuzzy Math and Abstinence

2008-10-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

Sara Palin and Todd Palin eloped in 1988 and her son Track was born 8 months later (he was full term and not pre-mature).

Not that this is something that doesn't happen in our society, but...

Do as I say not as I do (did)...this doesn't always work.

But her daughter did, too.

Can I ask a question? Ok...so I know by saying that I already did, but...

Is it less of a big deal because they are caucasian christians who have asked for forgiveness? I don't understand. I know when I was being raised Catholic...there were levels of sins. You know...if you got pregnant out of marriage...then you got married and everything was okay. Is that how this is supposed to be perceived?

It really confuses me how someone can say abstinence--not sex education--is the way we should be dealing with pre-marital sex, yet within a christian family who has god on their side...they can't even manage to practice this.

Seriously...I don't mean to sound stupid...but I just don't get it.

Better Post Before Ed Moves Me

2008-10-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

What can I write about that has nothing to do with being gigantically pregnant or with the impending election.

Hmmm...

Work? Nah...that is repetitive, too.

So...here we go. I am about 3 weeks from having a baby!

We are about 3 weeks from electing a new president.

We are naming the baby Ellery.

I wish we were naming the president Hillary.

We went on a stork tour of the hospital last night...I might have to share a recovery room with another woman and her baby, which would mean Joe'l would not be able to stay with me. That sucks.

...I am tired of driving through Madera Ranchos and seeing McCain/Palin signs.

...Even more tired of driving through Madera Ranchos and seeing Vote Yes on 8 signs. No. No. No. Frustrating to me because the signs have a "family" on them. I don't know if people know this or not, but there is no legal definition of "family"... Ahhhh.

I'm huge.

I think I am going to have the baby on election day...good thing for absentee ballots.

WTF?

2008-09-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin We Can Do It Small Poster > We Can Do It > RightLeaning.com CafePress

Seriously?

Someone is using the image of one of the greatest know feminist icons to promote Sarah Palin?

I can't believe how much "star power" this woman has for doing and know so little...especially about and for woman!

Insane.

Tooooooooleeeeeeeeeeedoooooooooooo!

2008-09-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

To my ALMA MATER:

I am so proud to be a ROCKET tonight!

Congratulations to Coach Amstuz on making a gutsy call that just didn't pan out! It was the right call and we were behind you!

We might have lost...but we lost going for the win of a game that no one expected us to win!

Congratulations Toledo Rockets...you made people pay attention!

Funny. Raw, but FUNNY!

2008-09-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

"I'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude..."

And...Tom Cruise was hilarious.

Painfully.

Tropic Thunder. Again...funny, but crude...worth a thoughtless laugh.

Stress?

2008-09-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but this election is causing me some serious stress. The other day I caught myself wondering which thing I was more excited to see conclude...the election or my pregnancy (since both will be wrapping up around the same time)!

I want to scream at people who make less that $250,000 a year, are female or any other minority, and/or those who want to use their religious affiliation by suggesting moral authority in choosing a candidate--who aren't voting for Obama.

In the past, I was up for a good debate, but honestly...I don't know if it's because I am pregnant and have a much shorter fuse, or if I am just tired of what has been illogical management of our country and its resources...or maybe both? Sadly...I don't even have the vocabulary to debate and sound intelligent and articulate. I have become one of those people who aren't even willing to hear the "other side". I know I shouldn't be that way...but I don't know what has come over me.

Frustrated that there are far LESS people in the US making what I call "Republican" money in the US who vote based on social policy alone and don't recognize the economic implication of a tax break for the middle class.

Frustrated that part of the social policy that people think they have the right to govern--determines whether my beautiful friends who love each other very much and deserve every perk marriage has to offer both spiritually and financially can reap those benefits or not--determines whether or not my daughters who I will do my best to educated about sexuality and sex have access to safe and effective means of birth control as well as the right to abort a fetus should my education (or their hormones) fall short of "abstinence only" (which obviously works so well).

Frustrated because I didn't just want ANY woman in the White House, I wanted Hillary Clinton in the White House. Honestly...the woman has been a pioneer for women and social injustice for the better part of her life, but the woman that's being presented to us wants more restrictions placed on women, to drill more holes into the earth and the ozone, and has no platform or stance on increasing punishment (cruelty to animals gets a bigger fine in more cases than rape) for criminal offenses against women, and get lauded that she CHOSE to have her son...excuse me, but she is not allowed to be LAUDED for having a CHOICE...because according to her platform...she didn't have a CHOICE. Ok...and a little frustrated that our country is willing to right now to celebrate this woman because she may not be as "offensive" to look at...the glasses are flying off the shelf and are on back order.
Read me:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/157543
OR me:
http://www.now.org/news/note/091808.html

Frustrated.

Frustrated.

So...November 4 is a long ways away.

Hopefully, by November 5th...I will have a new beautiful baby girl in my arms whose parents will be better able to financially provide for her while her reproductive rights remain intact.

Hopefully, my new daughter, the granddaughter of a beautiful, strong, proud Black man who made a career out of fighting for this country's freedom and fighting for those who needed his assistance in natural disasters and was taken from it too soon...and my almost 12 year-old daughter whose budding into a beautiful, strong, proud Black woman...will be presented to a US that is Presidented by another beautiful, strong, proud Black man who will fight for this country's freedom and protect it's people from the disaster of electing John McCain/Sarah Palin.

Sorry So Late, Ed--But here's 8

2008-09-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

This post is in response to Ed calling me out--okay, so he just "tagged" me, but I forgot. I never claimed to be the best blogger, but as I am sitting here watching Monday Night Football and putting off doing any meaningful work...I think it is time I respond to Ed's 8 random facts about himself with 8 random facts of my own!

1. I have not missed voting in any election since I was old enough in 1992. Why do I think this is worth mentioning about myself? Well...I lived in Ohio then...then Michigan...then Ohio...then California...then Ohio...now back in California! Whoo-hoo! This next election will be my first absentee ballot--but still not going to miss it! Too important!

2. When I was in third grade, I poured boiling water with macaroni in it down my right leg. It was insane. Still think of it everytime I make mac-n-cheese. It was painful, but nothing can keep me from mac-n-cheese.

3. When I was in high school, I went to an evangelical church with a friend. I thought it was pretty cool until the pastor had an alter call for lost souls...I went up to the alter. He was crying--but there were no tears. I left.

4. I prefer red wine to white wine.

5. The thing I have the most difficulty coping with is my parents' age. There comes a point in a person's life where he/she realizes just how precious parents are and I have, but I have also realized that my parents aren't in their 40s or 50s anymore. I worry about them. I wake up daily and go to bed every evening sending them silent words of love and protection--but in the heart of the little girl inside of me...my daddy is still 50 he just moves at the pace of 71.

6. October 25 will mark the 6th Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure I will have participated in. Even though I will not be walking the route, I will still be there and I am taking the biggest team I have ever taken. My girls' basketball team is going and many of their mothers have asked to join. I am so honored to be doing this for all women, but especially Deana Stiglich and Deena Harp. We have a sponsor this year and have T-shirt donated to us that read "In memory of Deana Stiglich" and "In celebration of Deena Harp" on the back. The front says LHS Lady Hawks with a basketball and a pink ribbon on the inside. To "The Mrs." one of these shirt will be headed your way. If anyone wants to donate...email me!

7. Any Sam Adams beer is my favorite. Sorry Harp.

8. I wish we still lived in Tower.

Been in Hiding...

2008-09-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

...here is why I have been in hiding lately! Lugging this belly around is quite a chore! Whew!

I have actually felt pretty good...tired and slower moving, but healthy and generally in good spirits.

Generally, I say. There have been a couple of meltdowns, but that is going to happen. Good thing I have strong people around who can either put up with it or tell me to shut up. :)

We are looking at the first of November to have the baby. That means in about 7 weeks, we will be welcoming Ms. Ellery to the world. The family and I are excitedly trying to get things together and ready for her arrival. I freaked out last week because a friend of mine had her baby a month early! It was then that I realized that being a control freak is not going to be an asset in the planning of this baby. She will come when she is ready (or when the doctor gives me the right combination of drugs and stimulants to coax her out of hiding).

I do have to say...not only am I excited to meet my new baby girl...I am happily looking forward to wine and sushi again. I have not missed a lot of other things that I gave up, but those two things...hard to go without. I think the hardest part about pregnancy is giving up the major vices in my life that provided me with psychological and physical comforts. No wine. No sushi. No playing basketball. Oh well...the reward will be a healthy, beautiful baby girl...it's an all right exchange!!!

My best friend Sara AND...

2008-09-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

Hopefully the next President of the United States!

Sara was excited as a kid at Christmas to have met Mr. Obama who came to speak at her father's local's Labor Day Picnic in Monroe, Michigan.

The Conservatives Have Discovered Sexism?

2008-09-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

http://www.now.org/news/note/090508.html

Whew!

2008-09-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

Oh what a day…

So we bought Mads a bike the other day so she could ride back and forth between her school and mine—all the while forcing mom to work on allowing Mads to venture a little further away and gain some independence (not easy by the way). Today, we were going to drop the bike off at the high school so it would be there in the morning and it would be one less thing we had to worry about. I also needed to go to work for about an hour to update grades and get ready for classes tomorrow. Win-Win situation.

2 o’clock today we load the bike and my school stuff and whirrrr whirrrr whirrrr click click click. Are you serious? The Green Hornet sidelined?

I came in the house to put things in perspective…this isn’t the worst thing that could happen. Baby is okay. Mads is okay. Joe’l is okay. Money has been tight before so if I have to spend our ever-depleting savings…we will survive. And…good thing we found out today rather than in the morning when it could really cause a problem.

A friend had agreed to pick me up for work if I needed it (which made me happy and relax)…mother-in-law offered to let us use their extra vehicle…another friend offered to clean up the battery and put a new one in (because that was really what sounded and looked to be the problem after a little investigation).

Wow…I felt so good to know that people were willing to pitch in and help us out!

Our automotively inclined friend was able to take care of the car within an hour and I only spent less than $100!

I am now exhausted, but content. Feels good.

Mads is upset today though because we are going to be giving Domino to Adam to try out in his home. Dom’s temperament is a little more than what Simon can handle. Simon has taken to throwing up and hiding a lot—high anxiety. He doesn’t have the energy to fight Dom off like a younger can might. Simon can’t really put him in his place. We knew it was a risk we were taking getting Dom, but if you never try, you don’t really know. That being said…Simon is a spry 13 years old, but he can only handle so much. It’s like I told Mads…if she and Joe’l would have been fighting and he was mean to her all the time…he would have had to go—not her. Dom is a funny guy, spirited guy…but we gotta do what we gotta do.

Wish we going have spent some time with the Woodys tonight...but even now...work is a-calling!

And…the baby…Ellery has found my ribs and she really enjoys that Mom is 5’10”! She takes advantage of the torso space! I seriously think she has spent this whole pregnancy so far not in a fetal position, but stretched out as far as she possible can. We are expecting her November 1, 2, or 3. I need as much recovery time as possible (only taking 5 weeks off work and 2 weeks off the court). And…can’t miss election day. I haven’t yet and don’t intend to start.

I am back...for now!

2008-08-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Sad. I know. I have been away so long.

Sometimes I have a hard time thinking of what to write that isn't going to be all about baby or school. My life is pretty consumed by both!

So...here is my blog update in the short form--

Baby...I am under 70 days! Yeah! Baby Ellery will be here soon! We are so busy making prepartations for her arrrival! ...which leads me to school!

School...I am loving my new classes, but my schedule is quite full. Planning to go on maternity leave seems like more work than actually trying to come in...seriously. Writing the manuals for teaching my classes and the lesson plans, etc...is exhausting and time consuming. But...it will let me stay home with Ellery for at least 5 weeks. Basketball...planning to come back 2 weeks after having the baby. Wow...am I crazy?

Joe'l...is back at school full time at FPU working on his teaching credential.

Mads...just got a new bike today! She tested advanced, passed the GATE test and is doing well...might as well reward the kid with a new bike!

Presidential Election...Are you kidding me...do the Republicans think they can pull Hillary supporters by putting a woman in the election? Did we forget that we liked the LIBERAL part of Hillary for than the WOMAN part? I love that a woman was selected, but I would prefer that it be a woman who was not a beauty queen who was against abortion and a right winged religioso! And...ummm...hello? Obama doesn't have enough experience? Yeah. Please...if McCain wins and dies in office do we want a one term governer of a state that probably doesn't need one as the president (regardless of gender/color, etc)! Wow.

Congratulations to the new homeowners, the newly pregnant, the newly promoted, the newly moved, etc.

:) August 1 ALREADY?

2008-08-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it's August 1st already!

Joe'l and I were married one year ago on August 4th! Yeah! We made it one year...aren't the first year and the seventh year the hardest? Well...one hurdle jumped!

Joe'l, Mads, and I are going to Pepperdine Universtiy with 7 high school girls August 4-6 for a basketball camp. I am looking forward to going as it will be good for these girls (who only won one game last year)...but I am a little tired these days. Wish me luck.

Pregnancy is progressing nicely. I hurt my back 2 weeks ago and have had to go the chiropractor and the physical therapy, but I am getting by. Back injuries suck...but I should be in good physical strength when I have the baby.

...And...We are going to see The Mummy movie today! yeah! I love those movies!

Leavin On a Jet Plane

2008-07-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

Howdy, Y'all!

I will be leaving on Sunday for a week in Ohio! Yay!

Spending time with fam and going to get Mads to bring her home! Triple Yay!

:)

Be back then!

"I am not an economist"

2008-07-15T08:12:00.001-07:00

Really. Just another reason to be pissed off that Bush was ever elected president.

George, do you think your country wants to hear one more thing that YOU are NOT! Also...NOT a foreign affairs specialist, NOT aware of the lexicon necessary for reassuring the people that you're not a bumbling boob, NOT an environmentalist, NOT a health care guru, NOT a friend of the middle class and poor, and the list goes on...

I think I will go to school on the first day...mind you, I am English teacher...and say, "I am not a grammarian"...then I will grade their papers!

Hate--a strong word

2008-07-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hate. Abhor. Detest.

To me, these are some of the worst words in the English language. Usually, I reserve them for things like war, famine, child abuse, and George Bush.

I have tried for the last eight years to keep from using any of those words in the same sentence with my ex-husband, Madissen father. She is, after all, genetically, a part of him and how could I feel those words toward someone who gave me something so wonderful?

Every summer, I find it gets harder and harder.

He actually thinks Madissen is spoiled. Those of you who know me the best and know Mads the best know that she is anything but spoiled.

Why does he think she is spoiled? She is out there visiting him for 3 1/2 weeks. He took work off the first week she was there. Seemingly sounds good, but he did nothing with her and by that I mean nothing with just her. There are step-kids and a half-sister in the picture. He feels if he does something for Mads, he has to do it for/with the rest of them.

My friends, if you only had your daughter in your home 3 1/2 weeks, wouldn't it seem normal to tell the other kids that they get him for 11 other months out of the year (except 2 weeks at Christmas when Mads goes to visit) and that you would want some one on one time with the one you rarely see? Sure, there should be times when everyone does things together, but SOME one on one time.

She wants him to take her to play basketball or go bowling or do something--just the two of them. He called her spoiled. Said she is used to getting everything she wants.

Pschologically speaking, girls get their sense of self and confidence from their fathers. Their sense of worth is often determined by the worth their father place on them. She so desperately wants him to commit to her. For him to give something up to show he loves her--that she is special. She has been waiting for it since she was 4. When he moved his then girlfriend and her kids in 2 week after Mads and I moved out--she was devistated. She hasn't seen him the same since, but she keep thinking he will change.

How do I get her to understand he will not change and that it is not her fault he is who he is? How do I get her to understand that there is a man here who lives with us now who said today that he understands that he will have to work harder to make her feel special once her baby sister gets here? How do I get her to understand that nothing she does will make him change--not straight As, not her beauty, not her athleticism, not her sweetness, not her generosity--nothing? How do I get her to understand that she is above it all?

I love my daughter and it breaks my heart that the person who shared her creation doesn't see her as worth a one on one date. I will never do that to her--even when this baby gets here--there will always be one on one time for Mads.

Hate. Abhor. Detest.

Gets harder every summer.

Wii?

2008-07-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

What the heck...so I decided over the weekend to take the plunge and buy a Wii. I think I was looking for a Cabbage Patch Kid in the 80s or more recently a Tickle Me Elmo.

What the heck.

I don't want to become one of those people who knows when a store is getting a shipment and then stand in line waiting to trample others for a Wii. Okay...that trampling others doesn't sound so bad--especially some of the people I see while out shopping.

Maybe we are not meant to be Wii owners.

Miss Her Already!

2008-06-29T17:01:00.001-07:00

We took Mads to Oakland this weekend to fly her out to Detroit. Saturday morning before put her on the plane, we went down by the Lakeshore for her first "coffee." It was a decaf vanilla latte. She thought she was pretty cool--that is the first picture!

Picture 2: J and M in their typical "Simpsons" loving relationship. Imagine J saying, "Why you little..."

Picture 3: Picture of M and me...trying to see the similarities. Yeah--I see it a little bit. I need to take lots more pictures of her. She has grown up so fast. Sad.

Like I said...miss her already!

Oak_Town

2008-06-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

We are headed to Oakland today! Mads is flying out of Oakland back to Ohio for a visit...I will be flying out the last week of her stay to visit my family and friends and then fly back with her. I am excited to see my family and friends there...it's weird because after this visit, the next time I see them I will have had the baby.

We aren't taking Mads to the airport until tomorrow morning so first we are going to head to the city for lunch (probably clam chowder by the pier)! We are going to stay with Jacques and Naomi for the weekend. I love staying with them--I miss them and it's nice to catch up (plus, Joe'l and I are in love with the area where they live)! Looking forward to their farmer's market--it's one of the best I have ever been to! We will be able to take Mads to that before we head out to the airport.

..I need to get a new camera to take pictures!

See you on Sunday!

Back and busy!

2008-06-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

WOW! Becky's and Jay's wedding was beautiful and fantastic! I can't believe how much planning they did and how well everything came together for them! And...of course Becky was gorgeous!

Since we've been back...I have been overloaded with basketball--running a camp and finishing our summer season schedule at Fresno Christian.

We take Mads to the airport on Saturday to go back to visit her dad for 3 1/2 weeks. During those three weeks, I will be teaching summer school. Good planning. No need for her to sit around while I am doing that.

J is probably going to work in a packing house for the rest of the summer to put some money away for the baby. Not what he wants to do...but it's money. If anyone knows of something else...let us know.

That is the goings on right now...I am looking for some worthy posts... and maybe more frequent. Someday...I hope to be off of Ed's "irregular posters" list. :)

If you want your child to ACT like an animal...

2008-06-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Treat him like one.

I don't know if it is just noticing this more, or if the usage of kiddie-leashes is on the rise. Sometimes, it looks like a regular old doggy harness and sometimes, it is attached to a cuddly looking backpack. Nonetheless...it's a leash!

One woman I saw the other day kept tugging her son back while she was standing trying to talk to someone. He would then get a running start and try to get away, until of course he realized he was literally at the end of his rope...and he would stumble or fall backward. Then, he figured if he stood at the very end of the leash a put all his weight forward, he might get his mom to budge. I used to have a German shephard that did the same thing. Now...finally...the boy collapses down on all fours and starts crawling around (mind you he was about 4 or 5). His mom started yelling at him to get up off the floor and stop acting like an animal! What? Are you f'ing kidding me? What kept me from going over and telling the woman she was a giant ass of contradiction?...knowing that I have made my own parenting mistakes and thinking that there were things I had done that I wouldn't proud of today if someone reminded me of...

But...

I just don't see how people can ever justify putting their children on leashes.

And that's all I got.

Go Figure!

2008-06-10T08:52:00.001-07:00

It's Tuesday...the first week day morning of my summer vacation.

I don't have to be anywhere until 1 p.m.

Guess what day my apartment complex decided to re-roof my apartment building right behind my back patio?

Guess what time.

You have got to be kidding me!

CO WEDDING

2008-06-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

We are getting in the Colorado Springs Airport at 10:50 a.m on Thursday. Anyone going to be at the airport at that time?

2008-05-31T21:46:00.001-07:00

Thanks to those of you who commented or called in response to my last blog.

I know there is more I can do to make a home for myself here...it's just hard and it's been much easier to blame it on location, situations, and the difficulty of breaking in to other's already tight knit social groupings (which IS difficult at my age, but not impossible).

I think what will help with my feelings of home is when we are no longer paying rent and I can paint the walls whatever color I want and hang up pictures without worrying about making holes in the walls, etc. In June 2009, J and I will be looking to purchase our first home together. Mads will just be entering 7th grade and the baby will not be one yet, so next summer will be the perfect time.

For those who read my blog and are interested in "baby news", I put more of that on my myspace blog then here...

Talk to y'all soon!

2008-05-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would miss it so much.
Home--Northwest Ohio and Southeast Michigan.
Home is where the trees are green and thick and lush this time of year…and there is a group of them in this thing they call a forest. And, in that forest, there are paths cut for people to walk, jog, run, ride a bike…or just stroll along listening to the sounds of the birds and watching little animals scurry through the underbrush.
Home is where the humidity is so thick, you are sweating with no exertion.
Home is where my dad and mom are. I want to help them live better lives. I just feel like my dad needs me as much as I need him.
Home is where my family is, too. I don’t know how I’ll not share this pregnancy with my sister. Who will I hit the clearance racks for the next season with?
Home is where my friends are. Sara…my other female half.
Home is where I can drive an hour to see the University of Michigan, 3 hours to a Bears game, 1 hour to the Pistons and Shock.
Home is where Mads would have grandparents, aunts and uncles, trips to Tennessee and Kentucky.
Home is where family offers their house and a meal when your budget is tight and there's is, too.

But isn’t home where he is, too? Too bad the two don’t like each other.

Because what it means is…I have no home.

I am extremely homesick right now.

May 18

2008-05-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

And all is well!

It is the morning time and I am procrastinating...I need to get in the shower so I can make my way over to the winery where we are doing a little fundraiser for the girls' basketball team. It's a great thing, the Madera Wine Trail-we'll be at Birdstone on Rd. 36.

Other than that...I am 15 weeks pregnant today.

I don't know if it's a boy or girl.

November 9, but I'm being induced October 26.

No, you can't touch my belly.

Oh...sorry...seems like a canned response I need to get printed on a T-shirt.

---

Only a couple weeks left of school! Whoo hoo! Then a couple weeks off (of school not basketball)...a WEDDING IN COLORADO...How exciting...

Ok....going to take a shower now.

Gone Shoppin'

2008-05-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

I did it. Today I went shopping for maternity clothes!

I am in that stage where my clothes don't fit comfortably, and maternity clothes are too big, but I bought em anyway.

The store I went to has this baby bump that you can velcro on and I got a glimpse of the future! I am apprehensive and excited at the same time. At least if I had a bump people would think I was pregnant (not just chubby...which is what everyone thinks because I am only 13 weeks).

In any event, I like what I got and I like that J went with me. It was fun to share the experience with him.

By the time I see most of you...I will be about 20 weeks and out of this stage. Whoo hoo!

8 a.m. I must be...old

2008-04-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

It is early Saturday morning and I am sitting here watching CMT. I know a lot of people who either love or hate country music...not many in betweeners. I guess what I didn't realize is how "dangerous" the videos have become. Did Shania Twain's belly button really nead to all of this? Having an 11 year-old, I always considered that country music was a "safe" alternative than listening to regular pop music or rap music. And even after watching these "dangerous" videos this morning, I still think so. There is skin and references to sex and drinking, but they're not actually doing it. And, Mads and I have bonded over this country music thing going to Rascal Flatts and Taylor Swift and maybe Brad Paisley this summer. I don't think I could take her to Flo-Rida.

Or, maybe this just means I am old.

:)

B

What do you do when...?

2008-04-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

I went to school for 5 undergraduate years and have a bachelor's degree in education with a focus in comprehensive communications and English.

I have 6 hours away from a master's degree in Comparative Literature.

I have attended numerous hours of training in the teaching of writing.

I have attended numerous hours of continuing education courses as "updates" to new teaching practices are "developed."

I am a good teacher. That is a lie. I am a really good teacher.

...Where am I going with this...

What do you do when...

A community of people who DO NOT have the training I have believes it can dictate what I can and cannot teach in my classroom based on issues of religion and what I believe to be outright bigotry?

Is the only answer to teach in a different community?

Wait until I have a tenured voice and then tell them to &#%@ themselves.

...I have parents who don't want their SENIORS in high school to read ANGELA'S ASHES!

Help!

Blogger Oops and other news....

2008-03-29T18:52:00.001-07:00

So I just noticed that when I switched my backgroud, some of the stuff on the sidebar got erased! The coding to the links that used to be where my contacts were is gone as well as some of my other links.

I don't know what happened!

I will try to fix it...

In other news...

My parents and nephew made it home safely. It was so nice to see them. It was nice to be close to them again. I didn't realize how used to their presence I had become after spending that year back home. I won't be able to fly home this summer to visit with them, but I am hoping that they will both want to make a Thanksgiving trip to meet their new grandchild. Here's hoping--but that is such a long time.

I have begun some maternity shopping. Not much though. There is this fantastic invention called the "Tummy Tube" that allows pregnant women to wear their own pants longer! So, for those of us who are bloated...it works great! Men at Thanksgiving dinner might love it, too!

A tube top for your stomach! Excellent! Looks like a tank top hanging out of your shirt so it fits perfectly with the layered look!

Well--that's all for now.

Yeah...that's right..we're gonna have a baby!

2008-03-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

Yup! I am due November 9, 2008!!

Joe'l and Mads and me...we couldn't be happier!

YAY for my Parents!

2008-03-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

My mom and dad and my nephew Cody came in yesterday. Joe'l went to pick them up from the airport while I was at work, so my normally difficult Thursday wasn't much of a problem.

:) After resting for a while, my dad was hungry and wanted salad--so I took the opportunity to take them to Sweet Tomato. I love that place. You can get a great salad...then load up on carbs! It was just what the parents were wanting.

Afterward, we came home and chatted, and then being the troopers they are, went to Joe'l's basketball game at 10 o'clock. Troopers: the game ended at 11 -- 1 am their time.

Today, Joe'l brought them all to visit me at school. It was fun. One of my students asked my dad what kind of student I was and he said--without hesitation--"lazy"! Ahhhhhh! Hard to be the hard ass demanding teacher when your kids find out you were lazy. I laughed.

The best about having mommy and daddy visit is that there is still a part of them that wants to take care of me. And, I don't really mind--not that I am taking advantage, but I won't turn it down either. I had to stay after school for a little while to work with the drama kids, but when I came home--there was a brisket roasting in the oven. It smelled delicious. My parents had Joe'l take them to the grocery store when they left my school and she bought things to make for dinner. She even made this awesome strawberry dessert. Refreshing. And mostly sugar-free!

Mads is having a difficult time sharing. I hope she learns soon.

Tomorrow, we are in no hurry. I think tomorrow is a good day to go to Chukchansi--especially if it's raining. I just have to find somewhere for Cody and Madissen to go. Technically they are old enough, but I don't feel all right with that.

I don't know. I am just glad to have them here.

I miss them. They look good, too. (My dad has put some weight back on and for the last 6 months has had consistent normal blood sugar reading--mom needs someone to help her pay attention to sugar, but other than that, she looks good, too).

See y'all later! I will report more on the parental visit later.

A Vacation based on food!

2008-02-24T13:43:00.000-08:00

My parents are coming for a visit from March 13 to March 21. I am really excited. They are bringing my nephew with them.

Funny, the email I sent my parents was an itinerary of where I wanted to take them...when I looked at it...it was based on food! Haha!

We have Grogg's for traditional Irish faire on St. Patty's Day.

We have Splash Cafe in Pismo for clam chowder.

We have BBQ at Everett & Jones in Oakland.

We have Indian gaming for fun and buffet!

We have to take the kids for a co-birthday party at John's Incredible.

We have La Boulangerie for pastries and the like.

Any suggestions? I want to take them into Tower, but I am not sure what the seventies Midwestern couple would appreciate...any advice?

Happy Birthday Mads

2008-02-18T16:48:00.000-08:00

We spent Mads' 11th birthday in Oakland/San Fran with Naomi and Jacques and Mads' friend Taylor!

Great Times!

May sound like a commercial, but hey...whatever.

2008-02-10T23:33:00.001-08:00

So, tomorrow…

I have to go have this “procedure” done.

When I was 14…I didn’t understand what was happening in the world around me or right next to me. It just happened to me.

When I was a teenager, I hated myself and was really irresponsible with my life. I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t a bad kid. Just stuck in a rut in my own mind. Scared. Sad. Depressed.

Anyway…I have to have this procedure done because of my life 20 years ago.

Mothers…vaccinate your daughters against HPV.

Mothers…your daughters don’t always mean to make the decisions they do.

Mothers…you may raise your daughters “better than that,” but there are other factors you cannot control.

Fathers…you want to be there, but you aren’t always.

If something can protect your daughter’s piece of mind in the future so she doesn’t have to worry about cervical cancer for the rest of her life…protect your daughter…especially because she means to protect herself, but can’t always.

Happy Birthday!

2008-02-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

Simon is 13 this month.

Wow.

Happy Birthday Simon!

2008-01-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

:)

Just as football season is coming to an end with the playoffs and the superbowl, basketball starts to get crazy-busy...especially when two coaches live in the same house.

I am the junior varsity girls' basketball coach and I do double as the asssistant girls' varsity coach. We have 2 games during the week + practices and I am running a little hoopsters program for the little girls in the community.

This season has been particularly tough. My girls (JV) have not won a game yet. The varsity has won one game--and the Fresno Bee thought it appropriate to take a couple of shots at them in the newspaper. I would like the Bee to know...I take that personally. I have given up so many hours with these girls (and they have given up a lot of hours too), but right now-it's just one of those seasons. We have no seniors on the team and the girls had no summer program. How is it ever appropriate to take shots at a group of girls who during the season are coming into the gym and doing the best they can--when there are so many kids who choose to not play--to sit on their asses because working out and practicing is too hard. But, go ahead, take your shots at 15 and 16 year old girls. I wonder why I don't subscribe to the Bee.--Since Joe'l is helping with the varsity--I attend those games too, and have become the teams statistician. I really enjoy the different aspect of the game. It has forced me to pay attention to the game in a way I haven't before. And--I really enjoy watching Joe'l on the bench. He looks really natural there. I think it's something he will continue doing.

Mads is playing, too. I am trying to either get her on an AAU team or start an AAU team for her. She's really starting to take to basketball and she is good, but in her age bracket where she is there is little competition. Plus, AAU is how kids get recognized for colleges and the Junior Olympics.:)

Goodbye 2007

2007-12-30T18:39:00.000-08:00

First--I found my cell phone! Thanks, Adam!

Goodbye 2007-

:( A difficult first of the year...

:( The worst Valentine's Day ever.

:) Madissen turned 10.

:( My dad was not feeling well.

:( I lost my grandmother, Busia.

:) I got a pretty good gig of a job!

:( I said goodbye to family and friends back in Ohio.

:) I moved back to California.

:) We got married in Vegas!

:) My parents bought a new house that they deserve!

:) My dad is feeling better!

:) Joel and I are so close to being out of debt. Other than school loans 2008 will be the year!

:) Mads got all As on her grade card (and 5th grade is pretty tough)!

:) Stig and The Jay got engaged!

:) Joel graduated with a dual bachelor's degree in history and philosophy!

:( I have put on 12 happy pounds...but every pound has been worth being happy... :)

...As you can see the year began less than perfect, but the end of 2007 made up for all of the difficulties faced in the beginning.

Looking forward to riding the wave into 2008!

Happy New Year!

Be safe!

Oh...before I go...resolutions?!?

Travel more.
Love harder.
Fogive.

HELP!

2007-12-29T04:25:00.000-08:00

It is 4:25 am on Saturday, December 29.

I left Adams a short while ago...apparently without my cell phone.

Adam...I hope my phone is at your house. I tried to call it, but no one heard or no one wanted to answer my phone.

Please, I hope my phone is there.

I am in a panic.

Family

2007-12-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

Family.

Over the course of my almost 34 years of life, I have come to realize that you CAN choose your family. And, sometimes, one or two choose you, too.

Thank you Harp family.

Thank you Sligh/Elia family.

Thank you Simpson family.

Thank you Peoples family.

Thank you Family Circle (Becky, Jay, Ed, Heather, Adam, Katie, Sara, Woody, Georgia, Kendall, and all else who have welcomed me to Fresno)

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Ramadan, Happy Winter Solstice...whatever you celebrate...

Be happy doing it!

What Feels Like Forever

2007-12-23T23:37:00.000-08:00

...We finally have the internet back at home!

Not that I need anything else to keep me busy, but I have felt left out of the loop for so long. I cannot access my blog from school...that is why I was gone for so long.

I am looking at a three week "vacation." I am glad to not have to go to school for a little while, but I need to complete 12 credit hours worth of classes over that time and still have basketball, so I may need a vacation from my vacation!

Yeah...Stig and Jay are coming and I will see you all soon!

I am back...so I will write more later!

B

Back from the Beyond

2007-11-19T12:51:00.000-08:00

I went home to visit my family last weekend as it was my father's 70 and my sisters 40 birthdays. Before I got to surprise them at a family dinner (neither of them knew I was coming), I spent some time with my girl, Sara. To my surprise, Sara had come photos for me from my wedding.

And...I was really excited with this one because my photographer at the wedding didn't take many pictures of me. There are some others that are posted on my myspace page, but this one...this one was taken after the ceremony I don't think I was posing. This one is genuine.

I look happy.

I am happy.

Especially since Lloyd Carr announced his retirement. Whoo-hoo. I've got my money on Michigan next year.

Whose Face is THIS?

2007-10-02T20:56:00.001-07:00

All right, so it's a picture of a picture, but...

When did this happen to my baby?

Hey...Anyone miss me?

2007-09-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Wow...what a couple of frustrating weeks it's been without internet access at home and without having access to almost everything at work because it's blocked by a web-filter.

We now have access to the internet :) yeah...and I am sitting here thinking "Hmmm...what the heck is there to write about?"

Jese...Becky and Jay had to get engaged and make it so everything anyone could write about just seems so...well...unimportant. :) I don't think I have ever been so excited for any two people to get married (well, other than me but we're not talking about me...yet)! Jay... you are the man! Beck... it is sooooo good to hear you happy! You both deserve ginormously wonderful things!

OK...now me.

And this is where I am stumped.

Let's try this...

I need to figure out how to slow down. Teaching high school senior English is a bit taxing the way I do it. Even though I don't want to be one of those teachers who goes in at 7:30 and leaves at 3:15 (contracted hours) sometimes I do wonder what it would be like. How do those teachers detach themselves? How do they leave the workplace behind them and go home to their families without the weight of 100+ other lives on their minds? How do they go and do and live without papers to grade, lessons to plan, strategies to review.

I am afraid to get old in this profession. So much of my life is defined by the school and the classroom. I don't really know who I am without it. It's not just teacher (which I can't even tell you the connotation of the word teacher and the expectations of what that means to the individual). It is all of the other hats a teacher wears and then some. If I only worked my contractual hours WHAT WOULD I DO with all that TIME?

Write a book. Go to the gym. Dance in the living room with my kid for no reason. Laugh ridiculously. Go for a walk. See a movie...

I would do all of that WITHOUT guilt! I actually feel guilty when I am doing something for myself because I could be doing something to keep myself caught up with work and the OTHER PEOPLE'S kids.

Where is the balance? How do I balance my life and the expectations of everything attached to "teacher"?

By the way... to answer the question, "anyone miss me?"...

Yeah... I do.

How are y'all?

2007-08-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

I gotta tell you...

Sometimes I don't post because I don't really know what to write...

and I am not always sure that anyone reads what I write...

Hmmm...maybe because I don't always post.

Anywho...

School has started and I have never felt happier or more at home at a job. The school represents everything I loved about my childhood and the community in which I grew up. I could see myself as a student at this school...and loving it.

I remember thinking when I was younger of what I would like my life to be like when I was an adult. I realized Friday that I have it (well...I could do without debt. I didn't see that). Madissen left for a soccer tournament on Friday with a family with whom we have made friends. Mads is on a D1 comp. travel ball team and they were playing in Victorville over the weekend. The family offered to take her so their daughter would have company and so J and I could have some time to ourselves. Wow! And we just met them.

So J and I went to dinner and had a great evening. When you're a parent, you learn to savor those moments when eating can be savored. :)

Saturday morning we woke up and left for Victorville. Great travel. Stopped at our favorite German bakery in Tehachapi. Made it to the game right as it started.

Mads doesn't play much. She is pretty much the youngest girl on the team, but she'll catch up (well, we are hoping she catches up with her own body first). They ended up taking second in the tournament against a team they took to a shoot out who out outscored other teams by 5 or more in some cases. It was great to watch. There I was cheering and yelling and fixing snacks and putting on sun screen. I am a soccer mom. Next is the minivan-really-not kidding.

But it's all coming together. Mads is thriving. Her grades are awesome and this team is just what she needs. Joe'l is great. I love him so much. Maybe because we only see each other an hour or two per day before bed, we aren't "sick" of each other. :)

I am happy. Who knew?

How are y'all!?

So Excited!

2007-08-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the posts and comments...

I do have the DVD of the wedding for those interested. I can only stand to see it once. I was giggling 90 percent of the time and the other 10 I look like a dear in headlights. It is sweet, but oh-so-funny. (Malisa...if I get your email addy I can try to send you the link).

Vegas was great. I wish we would have had more time with everyone. That was difficult, but hey...it's Vegas...I am sure you all found something to do! I am just so glad you all chose to share the wedding with us.

So other than being married and knowing Joe'l is tethered to me until death do us part (really-I am NOT going to be divorced twice; it just doesn't look good on the resume')...I am SO EXCITED about work!

Although the back to school meetings have had their boring elements (it's part of the job), the speakers have been fun and funny and the people I work with are so much fun. The staff is predominantly young (35 and under) those that are over still love their jobs. There is so little bitching going on about students or administration that it's almost scarey. I have been at jobs where the first thing people did when someone left the room was get out knives...but not here. OH--I love it.

And...although I said I wouldn't, I am going to coach basketball. I agreed to coach the 8th grade. I think I might want to move up with them. That would be cool, but who knows. I may stay right where I am for a while.

Peace!

I'm Finally Posting again!

2007-08-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

Hey...

We are officially married! Whoo-hoo!

If anyone wants to see the pictures the photog took at the wedding (the photog who really had a thing for Joel) email me for the password and the link.

I stood in lines at the social security office, the dmv, and the bank. I am now a hyphen!

---

I went to a new teacher meeting at my new school. I am so excited about getting back to work. Mads is excited for school to start, too. She is also playing on a competitive travel soccer team. Her first tourney is 250 miles away! Joe'l is settling back into work and finishing up some things to start working on his teaching credential.

---

All right...other than that--I am about to embark in a really busy year! I hope to see all of you soon!

B

Hey, Jay! I'm almost married!

2007-07-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know...I have been a little sluggish in the blogging as I have been a little busy thinking about, oh, I don't know, say...

GETTIN' HITCHED!

...Now...

Many have asked about any "itinerary" for the weekend?

Thursday? Some are coming in Thursday and hitting the sheets or the nightlife. I say this...
Someone call someone else and coordinate for the evening. Let folks know where other folks are gonna be so we have some options of meeting up or doing whatever!

Friday? I would like it, however it is not expected because if it were expected that would mean I would be paying for it, if everyone who is in town on Friday would be willing to meet for dinner at one of the establishments in Mandalay Bay at 8 p.m. so everyone can meet and we can show peeps where the chapel is, etc... Then... again, if everyone would like...we could go out together and party until whenever. Joe'l and I have given ourselves curfews so we look our best for the big day but y'all are welcomed to party wherever with whomever!

Saturday? Guests need to be seated at 6:15 p.m. Wedding party members... We will be getting ready in my room and I will give you a time as to when. After the wedding, there is a dinner reception at the buffet in Mandalay Bay from 7:30 to 9. After the dinner reception... hanging out with the wedding party is again optional. We realize this is a vacation for many people as well, so we understand if y'all go your way. I would like it if people would stay together for a little bit for a few drinks and runnings around (cuz I wanna look important), but I am just the bride and not paying for everything so I can't really make ya! :0 Hahaha

See y'all soon!

Fresno Race for the Cure...

2007-07-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

is October 27.

Stig and I did our first walk 4 years back (I think it was 4 years when the superhero who just had knee surgery decided she could still get 'er done...and did)!

Last year, I walked in Toledo, Ohio with my dad as my mom rode the survivors pacer bus. Unfortunately, it wasn't everything it should have been because I was suffering from an "episode" (polite way of saying I was a mental basket case). I really don't remember much of the event. I went through the day going through the motions but no one was home...

Why am I telling you this?

I made the decision that I will enter this year's race as a racing participant. I am not happy where I was mentally last year focusing too much on the negative and not on the positive. I am not happy that I spend so much time focusing on my weight and not my fitness level.

So, I have begun "training" for my first timed event (Oct. 27). The race is 3.1 miles (5K). Yesterday at the gym, I completed 3 miles in 37 minutes (total of 4 in 50), but it was hard and this morning I am in pain, but I feel good because I have a goal. At least for the next 3 months, I am not going to concern myself with my weight with training for this event.

The goal? 3.1 in 30 minutes.

Wish me luck... while I put down this do-nut! Ha just kidding D'oh!

A mouse in the house...or NOT

2007-07-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Not that I WANT to have a rodent in my house, but it frustrates me that as soon as I report to the landlord that I hear a rodent in the wall or in the bathroom...I don't hear it any more. So, when the pest control guy comes...he's like "and what do you want me to do about it?"

Watch...later today....the freakin' rodent will come out and stare at me "ha ha ha ha"!

Is it really July 8?

2007-07-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday made it one month until Joe'l and I will be married in Vegas! Wow...

When I look back on the last month (one month ago on the 8th...I was finishing my last day at Ottawa Hills High School in Ohio), I am amazed. From Ohio to Fresno to San Diego to Fresno! It has just been the last couple of days that I have been able to start settling in and making a home for us here.

I was so excited to see Adam and Ed at art hop! Both of them (of you) are excellent artists! It was beautiful to see their work compliment one other.

Since, it's summer break...I don't have a lot of exciting news other than the keeping up with the goings-on.

But...stay cool (wow, that totally felt like I was writing in someone's yearbook in 7th grade but of course, I was referring to the temperature)!

Can't Wait to Settle Down!

2007-06-24T19:22:00.000-07:00

So we got into Fresno on Thursday, June 14th and began moving in... piece by piece... little by little...still not done, but at least I am here!

The errands have seemed endless as we are also trying to finalize wedding plans (as well as find much needed cheap pieces of furniture...especially book cases so if you see any let us know). Everything is finalized...just needs to be paid for.

But really, folks, I just can't wait to settle down!

Today is June 24 and I am in San Diego for a week. I have only been back for 10 days, but work calls. I am here for a convention (and come on--what a better place for a convention than San Diego) for the advanced placement class that I will be teaching at my new school.

But, settle I will.

When I get back, my Fresno friends, let's do some food (or some drink)!

-B

I'll Be Back

2007-06-07T16:17:00.000-07:00

My friends,

Although I have been making more of an attempt to blog lately...

I will be taking a short break until June 16th or so.

Phone/Internet service is being disconnected tomorrow (June 8)!

We are leaving dark and early Monday (June 11)!

See you all soon!

Some help with reality...

2007-06-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

All right...

So Madissen's father is not going to change and I am going to have to deal with the same headaches as before (planning her visitation schedule which is a waste of time because there really is no "visitation" going on for the most part, worrying about her when she does visit as he undermines the way I have brought Mads up, worry about the lack of activity she gets as well as her fast food diet also while visiting, arguing about money issues as he thinks the "child support" he gives me covers everything she participates in as well as a little extra to have my hair and nails done, etc...).

I cannot for the life of me understand why this little girl of mine keeps giving him chance after chance after broken promise after broken promise. Funny, I am the one who follows through on his promises for him.

He talks to her once a week and sees her once a month...AND WE LIVE 40 MINUTES away!

ok...so like I said, nothing is changed and I highly doubt anything will change.

Question is...what advice do you all have on making this move, this time around, easier for me and for Mads?

I mean, what I would like is to think that I can...have...will create a "family" back in Fresno that will combat the negativity. The family we have here isn't really much of a family and I think that is what she is looking for the most...a group of people to belong to that love her. I am not enough.

We have Joe'l and that is a blessing. He is a good father figure to her, but she needs...wants extended family.

But...any other advice? Ideas? Whaddaya have folks...cuz I AM NOT coming back for it to be like it was...

:) Peace

go BACK west young woman...HIGHLIGHTS

2007-06-01T05:22:00.000-07:00

June 11...I leave for Cali...again...

June 15...we move into our new apartment...

June 18...I sign paperwork for my new job...

June 19...I breathe!...and start preparing curriculum for my new teaching gig!

(Nice break in between...)

July 15-20...San Diego AP conference...

July 21...Wedding shower...

August 4...I'm getting Married

August 12...Back to school with an additional name!

WHOO HOO!

Starting Over

2007-05-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

Moving back to Fresno has got me really excited for settling into my life. Finally, I feel at peace. I'm not running. It's okay to put pictures on the walls.

Joel and I are excited to be back together and building a life complete with Madissen and a new place to live and friends and maybe family additions (when we're ready, but maybe fairly soon as I'm not getting any younger).

When we made our lists of people we wanted to invite the wedding part of Vegas, we did so thinking first of family, of course. Then, we added people with whom we want to be a part of our extended family as we grow. If you can make it or not, we want you to know that we invtited you because we want to strengthen the bonds, regardless of how tight they were yesterday or last year or whenever. Thank you for being a part of our lives now and in the future!

We are so looking forward to June 15 (when I get back) and August 4 for really obvious reasons.

B-

There IS such a thing as second place!

2007-05-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

All right... a Madissen post. Seems Ms. Madissen is having some trouble breaking into that exclusive "first place" club...but hey, we are totally all right with that.

On Sunday, Mads played for the soccer championship in her league. The game was tied 1-1 at the end of regulation, which meant a 2-minute sudden death. Each team got to pick 2 players and a goalie from who was on the field. Mads and her teammate Lexi were the 2 and the goalie was a little girl who has worked really hard all season. The other team was equally matched (power kicker to power kicker, good foot work to good foot work). To make a long story short, Mads got called for a bogus (and I am not just saying that because I am her mother...the parents from the other team said it was bogus, too) right outside our goal. Their power kicker nailed it into the goal on a direct kick. Game end. 2-1.

2nd Place.

Monday night Mads went to the Fulton County spelling bee where 2 kids per school district in Fulton County competed for "Top Speller" bragging rights. And...she walked away with 2nd place.

I am so proud of her. Not many kids get the opportunity to play the championship for anything. And not many kids make their own opportunity for their championship like she did with the spelling bee. Not to mention...look how well rounded she is--from soccer to spelling! No such thing as second place...I don't think so...

It's a great place to be!

Sorry Its Been a While...

2007-05-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

All right, my friends, so I have been gone from the blogging world for a while. Things were pretty busy over the last couple of weeks.

My father spent a few days in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. He was having trouble with his sugar and was feeling pretty bad. I am happy to report that he is feeling much better although his recovery process has been slow in getting him back to "normal". Considering my father when he's feeling well is more active than most people half his age, I think we can give him a little more time.

Then, I was in the process of putting together my employment packet for the job that I flew out for over the last weekend. I was offered the job and I accepted. I will be teaching AP Literature and British Literature at Liberty High School. I am really excited because I get to form the AP class around ME! How exciting is that. I am really happy to be moving back, too. So is Madissen. We know where we belong.

Oh...and I turned 33 on Saturday. 33. Mid-thirties. Whoo-hoo!

Today, I finished another semester at the University of Toledo. Trying to get through this semester in the midst of everything else was difficult. I am really glad it's over. I will only have 2 classes left to finish my master's degree. I won't be able to finish until the summer of 2008, but that is that it was going to be anyway (classes didn't fit).

Madissen is soccer queen. Even though I wasn't there on my birthday. She scored the goal to tie the game and then score the go-ahead for the win. She's doing well.

Joe'l and I are getting really excited to be back together full time! And even more excited for the wedding! Dresses are ordered. Tuxedos have been fitted. It's really happening. I couldn't be happier. Things are really coming together!

Happy Belated Birthdays to Adam and Heather...

B-

32 dead...

2007-04-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

32 dead.

For continuing coverage of the campus massacre...

STOP playing the video.

STOP plastering his face all over the internet.

STOP giving him the platform.

I don't want to know HIS name...

I don't want to remember it like I remember the Columbine murderers, but cannot tell you ONE of the innocent!

Maybe people will stop seeking attention for these hideous actions, if we rise above them and NOT give them the attention. SOMETIMES...it's not news.

Just one of the innocent dead. Report on him or her. Let THAT young man or woman live in infamy.

American Media disgusts me.

I am angry.

...?...

2007-04-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

Instead of updating my blog today with news of visits or wedding plans or the like...

I am simply going to offer my strength to those affected by the shootings today at Virginia Tech. Although it doesn't seem like it exists right now, I still believe in the good in the world.

...Fresno Bound

2007-03-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

Arriving in Fresno Friday night (late)!

Be seein' you!

People are Stupid...

2007-03-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

So I have had my car for almost 6 years. Five of those years I have had two bumper stickers permanently affixed to my bumper. One reads, "You measure a democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not its assimilated conformists."-Abbie Hoffman. The other simply reads, "Pro-Child/Pro-Choice", which I learned a long time ago gets misunderstood frequently.

Well, my friends, someone(s) decided he (they) didn't like my bumper stickers. Did they try to rip them off my bumper? No. Instead, the jackasses who oppose my freedom of opinion as a dissident...spray painted my bumper. People are stupid. What makes people think they have the right...just because they disagree with your opinion...to deface property? I don't understand.

Conservatives. Republicans. Instead of leaving a note or confronting me... let's instead HIDE behind our actions and do something devious and disrespectful and underhanded. Next thing you know, our country will be involved in a civil war in another country under false pretenses.

AHHHHH~

Hello, My Friends!

2007-03-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

Tuesday. Yuck.

Ok. I get that a lot of people don't like Mondays because they end the weekend, but Tuesday? Other than being one step closer to Friday...which may be the only thing that saves it from being worse than a Monday...what the hell is there in a Tuesday?

But, today was a good day. Even though it was a Tuesday.

On a different note...I have been keeping another blog concerning my health and weight loss since starting Weight Watchers. If anyone is interested, email me and I will send you the addy. I really don't think it's worth making totally public, because really for me it's become a space for me to be comfortable with myself, my successes, my failures, and what has worked or hasn't worked.

As most of my friends know, my weight (body image) and self-esteem have always been problem areas for me, so I am really trying to not let those issues detail my life and control who I am or how I present myself. I created the other blog as a place to vent and learn and live without having to burden my family and friends with my ups and downs. But to be fair to myself and my family and my friends, I will allow you the option to include yourself in my journey.

All right...I know you all on the West Coast haven't seen it yet, but... I don't think I can watch the Sanjaya show anymore. Honestly...how can he share the same stage with Melinda or Lekeisha or Blake? votefortheworst.com and Howard Stern are really pissing me off.

B

Howdy!

2007-03-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

Not much to say right now...

But...

Will be visiting Fresno area March 31st through April 7th. Hope to see y'all this time. Too bad I will be missing Stig and Jay! I miss you guys!

A part of who I want to be...

2007-02-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

I was doing well keeping up with the blog until recently, but I finally have a worthy excuse. My grandmother, my Busia, died Sunday, never having fully recovered from a stroke a little over 2 years ago.

93. 93 years she was here. Amazing. 90 of those years were witness to so much love and life around her. Let me tell you a little.

She married the love of her life, Frank (who preceded her in death in 1989) and had 7 children. She stayed home and raised her family in the true Polish-Catholic tradition. She even prayed in Polish. She lived to see 15 grandchildren produce 26 great-grandchildren (and 2 more were on the way).

Although she was beautiful, she didn't care about her appearance. And the only thing she cared about weight, was putting some on everyone who came into her home as she was a fantastic cook (the reason we are not allowed to buy store made paczis). She didn't care about politics. She didn't care about the ills of the world, because the ills of her home, her family came first.

This simple, little Polish woman, who was so strong in faith and love was never known by me in the way that I am writing about her until now.

She loved. That was her life.

She lost her husband to cancer after 51 years of marriage, and it wasn't perfect, but it was love.

So, I am learning something as I write to you about where I have been. I am learning that I can care about things, but they shouldn't be my concern. Love. That should come first.

Beauty. Weight. Politics. We focus and concern ourselves on so much sometimes other than the things that we might miss if we don't stop to just do what comes easiest and the most natural.

Just love.

So, in tribute the grandmother that I wish I would have been closer to and understood before she left this earth...I will begin to fight for her cause...Wake up every morning and be happy with yourself because you love and are loved.

And I mean it this time...

2007-02-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

We thought Joe'l was coming at the end of February, but it turns out that it is going to make more sense for him to stay in Fresno for a little while longer. It is really difficult for us, but we are working really hard at keeping this love-thang going. I know we will be okay...it just sucks to have to be apart from one another. For those of you who have a loved one close, remember daily how precious that is.

In the meantime...we have planned for me to come out March 30 and stay until April 7. By that time we should know better as to when the move will happen, but hey...we're still getting married August 4 so I know we'll be together then!

Also in the meantime...and I mean it this time...I need to keep myself occupied with exercise so I don't go crazy waiting another 6 weeks to be with him. Good plan.

So...I bought this...

The glider doo-hickey...not the dude (Tony Little) riding it.

And I bought these...

and I bought this, too...

(I have a membership at the gym, but because of my schedule at UT and work and Mads' schedule...I haven't been going. It is really difficult to get there.)

I need to improve myself, and I want to give Joe'l something, too. A me who is healthier and happier.

OH MY GOSH...I ALMOST FORGOT...I am going for a make-over (hair color and style) at a premiere salon in our area. The stylist specializes in short hair, so we'll see what I look like. I will post before and after pics.

Friends...I need your kind words. I am in a bad spot, but I am trying to make the best of it.

I miss him.

And I mean that every time.

A Blizzard Warning remains in effect for all Northwest Ohio counties

2007-02-13T17:17:00.000-08:00

In case some of you were wondering why it may seem like I have a lot of TIME on my hands (as my myspace would seem to suggest)...I DO!

We are under a bit of a "Blizzard Warning." Although we are only supposed to accumulate about 14" of snow, it is the other conditions that are qualifying us for blizzard distinction. The wind gusts are blowing up to 5' snow drifts and visibility is zero in many areas. Driving during a snow emergency will get you a ticket.

Luckily, Mads and I shoveled out once earlier before the level of emergency increased to the point of not being able to be out on the road and went to the grocery store and to the library. Since I have already read the books I need to read for UT and Mads is going stir crazy, we are eating, reading, watching TV, and of course, I am building my myspace.

Myspace has been great fun--especially since I have found the myspaces of some people that I particularly have enjoyed. I am not going to leave names here, but I found a few in particular that had me laughing at the hidden side of people that is revealed when they think no one is looking. Or, there are the ones that KNOW people are looking (like their children) and put pictures of their boobies on them.

It has been a great learning experience for Mads. Hey...if ya can't be at school learning...ya might as well be at home with your mother laughing at other people.

Oh well...I will be home if anyone feels like talking.

We are the champions!

2007-02-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

Yes, Yes...Those ARE trophies you see in their hands!

PS...I now have a myspace.

I wanted to be like everyone else.

www.myspace.com/harpsligh

Wish us LUCK...the good kind!

2007-02-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

Mads and the rest of the team that I coach are playing for the championship game Saturday!

Why? From Payton to Peyton

2007-02-04T18:44:00.000-08:00

Why is it that, as a fan of a sport I have never played, a fan of a team that plays in a city in which I do not live, I am so affected by this team's loss in the Super Bowl?

The only thing that makes it a little easier is that the loss comes to a coach, Tony Dungy, and a quarterback, Peyton Manning, who seem to have the utmost integrity and character. I would have cheered them on had they not been playing Chicago. So, good for them.

But, back to the original question...which I can only attempt to answer for myself.

When I was 10 years old and still questioning why my father spent so much time watching footall, I was introduced, if only by media, to people that were larger than life, but connected to football. Brian Piccolo and Walter Payton.

I didn't fall in love with football and I didn't understand the heart of an athlete until Brian Piccolo and Walter Payton. Tonight's loss hurts because 23 years ago the Bears' jersey was what I connected with my initial conceptualization of who and what I wanted to be as a person and an athlete.

There has been a short string of other athletes that have shown me how to play and live to celebrate character, integrity, ethics, family, but few like those I was introduced to when I was 10.

...Luckily, what I learned to be the heart of an athlete is reflected in the man who did lead his team to victory tonight. Even though the Bears lost, what I learned from Walter Payton at 10, I see carried out in one of the few, Peyton Manning, today.

Now...what about Rex Grossman...

A whole other blog!

Home Sweet Home

2007-02-03T21:01:00.000-08:00

I moved!

I am in a house on an acre in a nice wooded area about 2 miles from my parents' house. I would take pictures, but we're covered in snow so it wouldn't do it much justice. It is QUIET! I love it. The first 6 months here were really difficult. This will be difficult financially, but the peace of mind has already been worth the financial struggle. Mads and I were in the kitchen tonight grilling portobella mushrooms and making sesame thai noodles...it was great. Our first meal here as a matter of fact.

Joel is coming! I have about 30 days to wait, but I think I can manage. Yeah! I have been busy working on creating a home that he can come "home" to. You know...get all the grunt work done so we can just be together...not to mention, he has his own grunt work to get out here!

Mads' basketball team (the one I happpen to be coaching) is playing in the championship game this coming Saturday! She has gotten so good. I think she is now in fourth grade where I was in seventh grade. She has matured so much. It is amazing. I have video, but I don't know how to upload videos. I need to learn!

I know I am not leaving much here anymore accept updates about what's going on with me, but that is about all I have time for.

:)

See yas!

Coffee Shops Make Me Happy!

2007-01-15T16:50:00.000-08:00

Before I start my blog...

Let me ask you...WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BABY?

...I guess the obvious answer is...she turned into a beautiful young lady (at least in THIS picture)!

Anywho...

So, for another night, I am sitting at a coffee shop grading papers. What was I thinking when I said to myself, "I want to be an English teacher?" Every year I think I am going to find a better way to grade papers, and every year I find myself in the same pinch, which is grading almost non-stop around the time grades are due. How am I supposed to measure student learning of writing without having them write and me having to grade it? Damn...I hope to figure it out someday.

At least the smell of coffee makes me happy...although I drank 80 ounces of coffee yesterday and probably just as much today. The withdrawal is going to be hell.

Other than that...making wedding plans, getting ready to move into a new house, coaching my daughter's basketball team (we're 3-0! I rock!), taking two classes at the university, and teaching part-time. I think somewhere in there I am supposed to be a mom, too.

Mads is in a new club at school. It is cool. It teaches the kids to research a topic and then turn it into an improvisational skit. She is excited. Me, too...she actually has something to do to keep her occupied when she says..."I'm bored." Yeah!

Joel is planning to move at the end of February. He will be looking to unload some stuff for free or donations to help him drive across country. If you all know anyone, we've got a sleeper sofa, dining room set, a gently beaten (haha) computer desk, and some kitchen odds and end. It would be nice to get something out of it...but it would be great if we could help people out. Let us know. Or, let me know...and I will let him know.

Joel is really busy, too. Working full time and finishing his degree at Pacific...I know he isn't really good about calling anyone, but if you guys have some leftovers or want to invite him to dinner, I would appreciate it. I know he isn't eating right, if at all...okay, but fast food doesn't count.

Laters

Please see blog below before reading this one...haha

2007-01-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

OK...Ready for this?

I am on my way to go wedding dress shopping! Joe'l and I are officially engaged! How could I say no? Other than the fact that I am crazy in love with him...he asked me while he was holding my cat and with my daughter at his side.

Fresno Christmas was fun. I wish I would have gotten to see more people, but that time of the year is crazy. I was able to watch 5 basketball games of a girl I coached at Sanger. It was great...in one of them, she hit the game winner at the buzzer. It felt so go to watch her and be able to cheer for her instead of coach her. I can only hope that will happen soon with Madissen.

I spent time with family and friends and even made a few new friends. The best was having Joe'l, Madissen and I together again with Simon, too! We are really happy and looking forward to be back together as a family very soon.

My next semester starts tomorrow at the University. I was able to get A's in the classes I took last semester. They really kicked my butt, but I am getting through it and will be fortunate for getting this degree. I am looking into the publishing industry right now.

Madissen is doing well. She had a basketball game yesterday...10 points, 18 rebounds. She is going to be soooo good. I am so proud of her. All A's and beautiful as ever.

She will be trying on some dresses, too.

We'll post pics...

B

Happy New Year

2007-01-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

Kiss This!

Happy New Year!

Bec and Mads!

Will not emerge again until...

2006-12-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone for a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!

I will not be emergin again into the world of blogging until after December 13th.

Papers due and finals to get through, but I will be back!

Let's not forget, my Fresno friends, I will be back (with Madissen) from the 23rd to the 1st!

B

Today was not so bad...

2006-11-08T20:09:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well…

November 8, 2006. Not so bad.

I got up this morning feeling tired after having slept only for about 3 hours. Big mid-term today--for which I was researching most of the night. The thing about getting a master’s in literature is that there are no answers that can be memorized; none are concrete. And, because of miscommunication, the professor and I have not really developed a workable relationship. (He thinks he’s “right” and I think I am “right”-er. J

Anywho…while I was driving to work, I was lost in thought about this exam! You know the kind of lost in thought that gets you from point A to point B when you are driving but you don’t remember getting to B? So lost in thought was I that I didn’t see the police officers lights behind me (he later told me he had been following me for 2 miles)! To make a long story short, he let me go with a warning, but not before making me feel like a jerk for disrespecting him. It seems that unlike most drivers who slow down when passing an officer…I had sped up. Hmmmm. Thanks for the warning, sir, and thanks for waking me from my stupor!

School was all right. They were working on rough drafts revisions and I was honest with them about my ability to develop a coherent, teachable thought. The best part is…they worked on their essays and I sat there fielding questions…questions I could answer, teaching I could not…not today.

Damn exam.

I got to the university a little early and went to talk to this professor. I feel so much better for having done so. Seems I connotated his semantic representation less than favorably and for that, he apologized. He said some really nice things and said them in a manner that was not offensive. It set my mind at ease, and felt great going in to take the exam.

I can say this…I KNOW I didn’t get less than a B, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I got an A. I felt really good about the exam…how could I not…I had gotten the best parking spot ever when I got to the university. Doesn’t that mean an A?!

OK…then I got home and fell asleep. And when I awoke…

THE DEMS TOOK THE HOUSE AND THE SENATE!

November 8, 2006 was not so bad.

PS…My Fresno Friends…I am coming for Thanksgiving. Get in Thanksgiving day…leave Monday. Love to see you all. TOKYO here we come.

Hey, Howdy, Hi!

2006-10-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Joe'l is coming to visit Thursday! We are excited to see each other.

I am going to figure this picture posting thing out and let ya all see how we are doing these days!

I will not be visiting Fresyes for Thanksgiving...BUT, I will, however be visiting over Christmas break (from Dec 23 to Dec 30)!

Things are as good as they can be! Will write more soon.

R

Update

2006-10-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the positive energy...yes, Adam, positive energy...I really miss you guys. When I watched the news coverage later that evening, I didn't know what to think about what I was seeing. I didn't know what to think about the information I was processing. What I saw on the news was 15, maybe 20 drawn officers searching the yards surrounding the school and neighborhood for 3 African American males, one of which was reported to have had a gun which is what started the chase in the first place. Since the incident occurred, the 2 boys they apprehended admitted to stealing bicycles, but no more or less. The third boy was never caught. He was the one who was supposed to have the gun, but no boy and no gun was found. Even though the lockdown was very real and allowed for a real discussion at our school about crisis intervention and crisis procedure (one week before this happened, the local newspaper had listed our school as the second least safe/secure schools in the area, which we had worked all week it seemed to fix coincidentally), I am frustrated. I do not regret that we went into lockdown mode because the experience was extremely valuable, but I do question WHY we went into lockdown mode. Again, thanks for the well wishes. The last two months have been so difficult for me and I wish I had a good moment at Tokyo to restore the balance. More to come...news at 11> haha.

Lockdown!

2006-10-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

We (Ottawa Hills High School) had our first real "lockdown" today. It wasn't a drill. I am still not quite sure on the details, but in light of everything that has been going on in the news recently, I would be remiss to say that I wasn't concerned. Roughly...here are the details as I am aware of them at all. Three teenage males from a local Toledo Public School were seen in the University of Toledo area. I don't know who called or where the accusation came from, but supposedly, one of the young men lifted his shirt and flashed a gun. Toledo police, University of Toledo police, Sylvania, police, and Ottawa Hills police responded. They chased the young men into the small community that is Ottawa Hills. Most of the action went down in the neighborhood yards and in the area right outside of the high school building. We were put on lockdown because not only was one of the boys suspected of having a gun, but the police were drawn in pursuit of the suspect... Regardless of what was happening outside the school, I was sitting with 22 students in a corner of my classroom, on the floor, with the shades drawn, and the lights off. We are supposed to instruct the kids to remain quiet, but I allowed them to not only talk, but discuss, to feel what they were feeling. They handled it well at that point in time, but I wonder how they feel tonight. Do they feel like I feel? Are they questioning and going through the "what ifs"? Even though I am questioning those things, as well as my own existance, etc..., I am also stuck questioning if those boys really had a gun...or if they were just suspicious in the wrong neighborhood. Were they in any way profiled? So much on my mind tonight about this. Whoever, whatever you believe in... please find a way to send me positive energy. I will keep you all updated.

Not enough and too much

2006-10-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

October 6, 2006

Time. Not enough and too much.

Always needing time to get work done.

To get life done.

Lesson plans.

Grading papers.

My daughter?

Pencil her in.

Read for class.

Write a paper.

10 pages? 25?

Workout.

Write letters.

Keep in touch.

What's a blog?

Too much sometimes.

Stuck in a room.

No outlet.

Waiting for June.

I hear bells.

Want to see you.

Want to see him.

Waiting until then.

Checking...

2006-09-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

Before I write too much...I need to see if this works first! I really have been here and been trying, but I keep getting an error message. Let's see if this works!

Avoiding the news

2006-09-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

...so I have taken to avoiding the news for a little while. I know it isn't very socially responsible of me, but how much negativity can you fit into a 1 hour or even a 1/2 hour broadcast. I can't help but to wonder...if we were bombarded with all of the wonderful things people do for other people, would it change how we perceive mankind? It's interesting the hold that fear and despair have over us. Unfortunately, I don't think many people would watch the happy news channel. Would you?

Cold hands and a runny nose

2006-09-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

Since the weather is already starting to get cold(ish) here (sometimes), I have already begun to switch out the clothes from summer to fall/winter. And with the switching out of the clothes comes FOOTBALL season complete with cold hands and runny noses...just the way I remember it....(again having trouble with the return key to start a new paragraph, so bear with the ...) anyway, my daughter is currently across the country road playing football with some kids. Cold hands and runny nose...things are going as well as can be expected here. I am trying really hard to do what I think is best for Madissen and myself right now, but I sometimes have a hard time justifying why I left. Then I think...for cold hands and a runny nose. It is working for her. That will have to be enough for me...for now.

I really don't mean it...

2006-09-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

I really don't mean to NOT be posting! Most of you know I am staying with my parents who have a sllllloooooowwww dial-up service and since this is the country, there aren't a lot of wireless capabilities...although I am working on that! Also, blogger is blocked from my classroom so down time is actually spent working. I promise more to come soon! Just wanted to let you all know not to give up on me!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!

2006-08-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

Madissen's first soccer game of the season was today...Game opened with Madissen playing sweeper and getting called for a handball! Yikes. The other team's excellent, strong, and ferocious goalie came out of the box for the penalty kick. Score 1 for the other team. Never did like Mads playing sweeper. Ahhhh then she gets moved to offense! Assist to Madissen, still first half. Eventually, the first half ended tied 2-2. In the beginning of the second half, the other team got the go ahead goal. Ten minutes later, Mads' team ties it off the foot of her teammate Taylor (an excellent ball handler). 5 minutes left in the the second half, Mads handles a corner kick and boots it in sending us up 4-3. A couple of minutes later, she sealed the game with when she handled a deep throw in from the goalie, dribbled a couple times and took the long, high shot. 5-3. She was really excited. I was there. Papaw was there. Her cousin was there. And, her dad was there. Nice showing for her first game back here.

Wish I could post some pictures

2006-08-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

My aunt Bev and uncle Mert invited us over yesterday because my cousin Dawn (lives in San Diego) is visiting. Mads and I went of course, as did my parents, my sister Kris and her two kids. Uncle Mert gassed up the speed boat (they live on a lake) and we went tubing. It was a lot of fun! Dawn took pictures, which she is going to email me and when she does I will post. Mads was a trooper...Uncle Mert tried his hardest to dump her, but she hung on and road it out. It was good getting to spend time with relatives.